Review Comments of Build To Survive The Monsters

Scoring & Feedback

Overall Score: 5.5

Breakdown of Scores:

  • Clarity and Grammar (40%): 5.5
  • Generally understandable, but some awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors.
  • Vocabulary (25%): 5.0
  • Basic word choice with some repetition (e.g., "build" used frequently).
  • Structure (25%): 6.0
  • Logical flow but could improve transitions between ideas.
  • Depth of Thought (10%): 5.0
  • Simple narrative with minimal reflection or deeper meaning.

Areas of Strength:

✅ Engaging Storytelling – You did well in creating a sense of urgency and action, making the story exciting to read!

Spelling, Punctuation & Capitalization Errors:

  • "Build To Survive The Monsters" → Should be "Build to Survive the Monsters" (minor words like "to" and "the" should not be capitalized in titles unless they are the first word).
  • "We gave the gatherers radios so they could communicate back to us." → Missing comma: "We gave the gatherers radios, so they could communicate back to us."
  • "When we only had 5 minutes before another raid was going to occur we told the gatherers to come back." → Missing comma: "When we only had 5 minutes before another raid was going to occur, we told the gatherers to come back."
  • "our defenses had be weakened" → Should be "our defenses had been weakened" (grammar error).
  • "new gained resources" → Should be "newly gained resources" (word choice).

Areas for Improvement:

1️⃣ Sentence Variety – Some sentences are short and choppy. Try combining ideas for smoother reading.

  • Example: "We built lots of defenses last time, but after that huge horde attacked us, our defenses had been weakened."

2️⃣ Descriptive Language – Add more sensory details (sounds, sights, feelings) to make the scene more vivid.

  • Example: Instead of "the zombies started to drag their wretched bodies towards us," you could say "the zombies groaned and clawed their way forward, their rotting limbs scraping against the ground."

Final Thoughts:

You have a strong foundation in storytelling! With more attention to grammar, punctuation, and richer vocabulary, your writing will become even stronger. Keep practicing! 🚀